Letter of condolence

Bad teeth need expensive work

Bad teeth need expensive work

After internal documents reveal English-based outsource firm Prolog ran out of crucial health forms for low-income Welsh families, Brenig Davies reads an apology letter from them to the Welsh Government.

Dear Sir/Madam.

May I on behalf of Prolog apologise profusely for running out of forms for the poor people of Wales.

We can offer no plausible excuse that would satisfy the terms of our contract with you for having the correct number of forms for dental treatment.

It was not until we spoke with one of our colleagues – who was born in the South Wales valleys – that we understood the extent of poverty in some communities, and that our forms might be needed.

The poverty is especially acute we understand for those living in council houses – as our Welsh colleague said social housing is still called in Wales.

She did though speak rather optimistically about the eventual benefits of your policy of Communities First for dental health.

When we won the contract we based our estimate on the number of forms we could produce for £97,010 this year, on the ratio of private dental care practices in Inner London.

Inner London has a population approximate to Wales of around three million.

Comparatively few people in Inner London use NHS dentists – they are viewed as places where their housekeepers go, especially in Mayfair.

So perhaps you can see why we got our sums wrong.


Management-speak has admirers

Management-speak has admirers

But as we clearly state we are:  … trusted market leaders in the provision of outsourced ecommerce and retail fulfilment, POS management and distribution, and multi-channel contact solutions.”

So there is optimism.

If we continue with the contract we will supply double the amount of forms at no extra cost.

There is more.

We boldly and plainly say:  We’ll provide you with the very best from outsourcing; the delivery of market leading and well thought through cost effective solutions whilst ensuring you remain fully informed and involved through the quality and extent of our BI and reporting tools.”

We therefore stress our BI and reporting tools by promising to increase our ‘buffer stock’ of forms to ensure the inordinate number of poor patients with toothache, resulting from not brushing their teeth twice a day, will never be short of free dental treatment in future.

Policy for children's strict diet

Policy for children’s strict diet

We would also like to tell you of the relief we felt when Plaid Cymru failed to be the party of government in your recent assembly elections.

Had they done so and implemented their promised ‘pop tax’ we would not have been able to increase the amount of forms needed quickly enough to relieve the public’s pain.

Our ‘future strategy department’ believe this could soon have also become a ‘crisp tax’.

We have agreed too, to outsource outsourced production with a company in Wales as we understand there have been complaints that a Welsh company was not used to put bits of paper in envelopes.

This will help us meet our underestimated demand, and the Welsh company has agreed to provide bilingual forms at no extra cost.

Outsourcing outsourced work to a Welsh company may offer relief.

I hope our clarity convinces you that being caught short is a thing of the past.

Yours in abject failure.